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Poppy wants to live in a world where everyone's story matters, regardless of their income or way of life.

As a photographer, she's won ribbons at the county fair. As a spiritual seeker and writer, she's been featured in Jen Louden's The Life Organizer and once published an article at allthingsgirl.net.

When she's not writing or photographing her story, she can be found at her day job as a technology consultant, or at home snuggling her cats, or in the park, taking a walk with her husband.

When Self-Care Means Take Your Vitamins

When Self-Care Means Take Your Vitamins

So, this thing happened this summer.

I had the brilliant idea to cut back on my B12 supplement.

I take B12 because my mother told me to. No, actually, my father was diagnosed with a B12 deficiency, which his doctor thinks is the cause of his depression. (I beg to differ - we have a multi-generational history, and there’s a whole complex history which I think counts at least as much as any nutrient deficiency.) And although I haven’t been tested for the same deficiency, we just thought it might be best if we assumed I could use some extra, and I started taking supplements a few years ago.

It’s happened once before that the bottle ran out and it took me a few weeks to remember it at the store - a few pretty miserable weeks, and they coincided with my husband and I both getting sick, and him needing surgery and coping with ugly mood changes from the post-surgery painkillers. The less said about that month, the better. After that point, I’ve been quite good about making sure to replace a bottle promptly.

This summer, though, I thought I was doing quite well - here we are, several months after my husband lost his job, and I hadn’t once been a complete nervous wreck over it, which is a pleasant change. (Sadly, with the economy here and both of us working in the tech field when we met, job loss has been a constant in our relationship. It’s been hard.) So I thought maybe I could switch to one pill a week instead of three.

Wow, that sooo did not work. Within a couple of weeks of the switch, I was coping with nail-biting anxiety. By the start of September, it had increased to a concerning point, and I was struggling to cope with my weekly activities. And, to be fair, there was a lot going on that month as well, in the news and in my life.

Thankfully, I figured out by the end of the month that it might have been the B12 switch that set off my anxiety, and I set myself back on the 3x a week schedule. And a couple of weeks later, I could cope with the world again AND the help I had started asking for to get some church tasks accomplished was starting to come together in a meaningful way.

So we’re still facing a number of things that need to be done: my husband is in the process of finding new work; our landlord still wants us to move in less than a year; the housing market in our area is still overpriced and ridiculous; I’ve still got a number of activities and committees going. But taking care of myself right now means keeping those as organized as I can, accepting what pieces of them are mine to hold and refusing to carry the rest, and it means taking my B12 like it’s a lifeline. Because I do not know if that’s the kind of anxiety I used to live with and I was just blind to it, or if it’s something new that’s come because I’ve now increased my B12 levels - but no-one should have to live with that kind of anxiety, not even me.

How to play along

Because safety is a core value for me, I am asking that comments in this space avoid all the ugly things: shame, blame, judgement. I am asking that disagreement and discussion be polite, respectful, generous, and open to vulnerability.

Because community is healthy behavior, I welcome you to comment, to share your thoughts and responses and discuss this with empathy with me and with each other.

Disturbing Thoughts #1

Disturbing Thoughts #1

Net Positive Blog

Net Positive Blog